Painted Lady
I always wear makeup.
I can’t leave the house without tinted moisturizer, elaborate coverup under and around my eyes, powder, eyeliner, mascara, and my Burt’s Bees tinted lip balm.
I can barely leave my bedroom without under-eye concealer and mascara.
And it’s so embarrassing for me to admit this.
It seems so much more modern-mom to shun wearing lots of makeup. Women’s magazines promote simple, healthful living and scream at me to “just do the basics” when it comes to makeup, “be fresh-faced” and “less is more.” Apparently modern moms like me are supposed to accomplish these makeup basics in five minutes.
It sometimes takes me five minutes alone to cover up my deep, dark under-eye circles.
I have always, always, wanted to be one of those women who looks beautiful without makeup. Or even just okay. But I look in the mirror when I have no makeup on and see a tired-looking, unattractive woman with giant nose pores and sunken-looking eyes. Not a look I’d like to sport outside the house.
Even before the sleepless days of parenting, I didn’t dare leave the house without makeup. I started with under-eye coverup, mascara, and lip gloss in eighth grade and never looked back. My dark, hereditary purpleness under my eyes was gone. My eyes looked more open and bright. I felt prettier and more confident. And I liked it.
Actually, I did try to go makeupless in public once. I was a counselor at a summer camp where I felt accepted and loved and confident in myself. One morning I woke up and thought, why not? I went to breakfast with no makeup. And then the questions started. Was I sick? Did I not sleep the night before? I looked so pale and tired and had such deep under-eye circles – was I well?
I never went makeupless in front of people again.
So even when I lived in sundresses and Birkenstocks (actually, I still do in the summer), I wore makeup. I was an earthy crunchy makeup-wearing hippy girl.
When a boyfriend slept over, I’d wash my face and then apply under-eye concealer and waterproof mascara before bed. I even did this with my husband for the whole first year we were dating.
When I was discussing what to pack for the hospital when I was giantly pregnant with Lizzie, my mother-in-law said I’d just need toiletry basics, “no makeup or anything, of course.” I think I gasped aloud at the thought. She looked at me, confused, and said, “But you don’t wear much makeup now, why would you need it?”
And I was thrilled she thought that I didn’t wear much makeup. Because I try to wear makeup subtly so I have “that natural look.”
Ironic, huh? My makeup gives me a natural look.
I guess you could say I have a love/hate relationship with makeup. I love feeling prettier and more confident with it on. But I hate feeling like I need it. I love being able to cover up the under-eye darkness that I’ve naturally had since I was a kid. But I hate that society or life or something causes me to look at pictures of a young me and think that darkness under my eyes made me less attractive.
I wish I could toss it all away, forsake Sephora, and feel beautiful in my own skin. But I don’t feel like I can. And yes, it makes me a little sad.
Do you wear makeup? Do you also have a love/hate relationship with it? Do you think I (and others like me) am lacking self-confidence since I am not comfortable without it – and if so, is this tragic? Or just life in America?
*****
i looooove makeup! what do you use for under eye circles? i need a good concealer. (gee, i guess i am an enabler, huh?) i used to go without makeup, or hardly any, but my children and just getting older have increased the need. i don’t feel comfortable without concealer and blush and, of course, then i need the eyelash curler and mascara… why stop there? eyeshadow, eyeliner, lipstick, oh my! it’s fun. i like to watch youtube tutorials on eye shadow application. hmmm, i may have a problem.
Ali recently posted… It’s Not Okay
I use Laura Mercier. Love, love, love her makeup. Worth every penny. Lasts forever, too. I get Sephora gift cards for birthdays and holidays and then stock up. I find with LM makeup a little goes a long way.
I’ve always enjoyed makeup as something a little fun, something that brought my features out a bit more. I’m so fair (as you know, fair skin/eyes/eyelashes/hair) that in B&W photos where I don’t have makeup on, I am basically a white blur with 2 black pupil dots and 2 grey nostril dots. I wear a little most days, because it’s part of a routine, a ‘finish’ of sorts, a little something that makes it look like I don’t have makeup on.
A friend of mine once said, as we were getting ready to go out at the same time after showers, “You with mascara on and you without mascara on are two different people.”
I get it, I do.
But? I go out without it, and it doesn’t bother me one bit. The acne, the pores, the under eye circles…meh. It’s still me, just not as polished. Not the end of the world.
I think how you THINK you look affects how you look. If you’re on the defense, assuming you look ill or unattractive when you aren’t wearing makeup, you’ll look ill or unattractive because you’re likely making a scowly face. Not throwing your shoulders back, letting the sun shine on you.
You are absolutely adorable, JD. You’ve got bright, expressive eyes, a blinding smile and a great laugh. And style. I didn’t notice your makeup at all when we met, I noticed a sweet, funny, interesting, vibrant person.
Consider this the next time you feel the need to cover up.
Kim at Let Me Start By Saying recently posted… The Secrets of Stoic Men
Kim, you’re awesome. Thanks for the kind words. You’re so full of confidence – I love it!
I don’t wear makeup often, I’m lucky if I get achance to brush my hair in the morning. But I used to, I used to be unable to leave the house without mascara, and I totally understand the concealer under the eye thing. I constantly look like I’ve been punched. But I think my friends are now used my bruised looking eyes.
Ziva recently posted… Insane and Evil
God, the things kids do to us, huh? I think I probably looked a lot less haggard without makeup pre-kids, and have no real appreciation for how generally fine I looked without makeup!
You know what I think the “problem” is? Our societal brainwashing of what “natural” looks like. I’m pretty sure I’ve been conditioned to think that pore-less, rosy, and eyelash fortified is what a fresh face looks like.
You know when you are looking at US Weekly in the grocery store checkout line (that can’t just be me, right?) and you see the celebrities without their make-up? It’s shocking, right? And pretty satisfying, too. (That can’t just be me, either.)
So unless you want to take on the machine, do what makes you feel good. But know, that those that really love you, love what’s inside. Use your kids as your barometer. Ellen
Ellen at Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms recently posted… Planet Teen
Ellen, you’re so right. What did natural look like hundreds of years ago? Fresh-faced was probably truly fresh-faced. And the celebrities without makeup? I bet they actually look better than that – the tabloids probably make them look worse. Ugh – so messed up…
Oh my goodness, I always wear makeup! I am a 41 year old woman who still gets zits. So in addition to the undereye bags from the lack-of-sleep-because-I-have-a-new-baby thing and the wrinkles-because-I-am-over-40 thing, I have the unfortunately-I-still-break-out-like-a-teenager thing. So not an au natural person.
Zits in adulthood – a cruel joke I endure too. What is up with that?! The wrinkles aren’t bothering me as much as I thought they would though. That gray hair that keeps sticking straight up on the top of my head? That’s another story. Drives. Me. Insane!