Sometimes your brain betrays you and just stops working right.

Forgive me if this post is a little jumbled. I am typing it out on my iPhone because looking at my computer for too long hurts my head. But I feel the need to write. So here goes.

Last time I wrote about how I thought my antidepressants were messing with my head. And they sure may have been. But it turns out something else is going on in this brain of mine.

Last week I suddenly started feeling even more out of it. My balance was off. I couldn’t think straight. I basically felt drunk all the time, and like I was wearing way-too-strong prescription glasses. I got really nauseous. I had migraines and when I didn’t, there was so much pressure in base of my head I felt like someone was squeezing it. By Friday I wasn’t functioning much at all.

On Saturday an urgent care doc diagnosed me with vertigo. Okay, I thought. This sucks, but at least I know what’s going on. I went home with instructions to take meclazine, sudafed, anti-nausea pills, and a directive to rest. I’d be better soon, the doc assured me.

By Tuesday nothing had changed, and with BlogU approaching, I was starting to panic. I needed to feel better. STAT. So I ended up meeting with an ear, nose, and throat doc, who said, Nope – you don’t have vertigo. At all. I think this is neurological and you need a specialist.

A couple hours later my doc calls me and tells me I need a CAT scan right away “to rule out anything urgent.”

And that’s when my heart really started to sink. I have something called a chiari malformation (CM). Basically, part of my brain is too big for my skull and sticks out the base of my skull a little. It’s never been an issue. But all these symptoms point to it acting up – perhaps putting pressure on my spine. If it is the CM, and I don’t get better, it means brain surgery.

Brain surgery, people. Someone cutting open my head and releasing pressure at the base of my skull. Maybe sawing off some bone. Not exactly how I was planning my summer, you know? I always knew it was a possibility but I’ve been fine for so long. I never worried about it. Until now.

The CAT scan ruled out scary stuff like a stroke or tumor, thank God. But now I’m in limbo until I get an MRI next week and meet with my neurologist.

My doc cleared me to travel, and my friend who is a doctor agreed. Hubs is reluctantly letting me get on a plane. So I’m still going to BlogU. I won’t really be myself, and I’ll be armed with lots of drugs to keep the pain/discomfort and nausea down. But I’d rather being laughing with friends and even napping in a dorm room when I’m too tired, than sitting home worrying about what could be wrong. Is it the CM? Is it something else? What the what is wrong with me???

So if you’re going to BlogU, I’ll be there. I won’t be 100%. But I’ll be there. And if you’re the praying type or believe in some sort of healing higher power, I’d appreciate your thoughts.

I’d love to just wake up and feel better. Maybe this is some bizarro virus and I will. Here’s hoping! But until then, I’ll be the slow-moving lady who may just smile and nod a lot since I can’t follow conversations all the time. Just smile and nod back, okay? 🙂

I can’t wait to meet all you BlogU people and #getschooled together!


photo credit: Giovanni ‘jjjohn’ Orlando via photopin cc

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32 Replies to “Sometimes your brain betrays you and just stops working right.”

  1. Ugh! Sorry you are going through this!! Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I’m sending good energy your way. I can’t wait to meet up with you at BlogU, even if it’s only to give you a gentle hug or smile! xo

  2. You are one of the ladies I need to seek out at this conference because of your honesty about mental illness. I will be sending you strength, and if we do get a moment to chat, I will love on you some. Get well soon!

  3. Oh, I’m so sorry this is happening. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. I’m thrilled you’re still able to go to BlogU–please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you when we’re there. xoxo

  4. I’m so sorry you are going through this JD. I can only imagine how scared you must be. Jenn Rose is right you live in the best possible area. The hospitals are top notch! I am sending you good thoughts and prayers. I wish I was able to go to Blog U and keep you company. Try to have some fun and listen to your body and relax when you need to. xoxo

  5. I have a friend who had the CM surgery. She has a lot to say about life after, and raising her children with the symptoms and issues that remain. If you find you'll need it, I'd be happy to introduce you. She has an entire group of Chiari friends you could network with. In the meantime, I hope your feeling as well as is possible.

  6. Hoping for a quick recovery! Know it's scary, but hang in there… Sending prayers and lots of positive thoughts!

  7. As a person who lives with Chiari everyday and is getting ready to head in for my 3rd surgery I understand all the symptoms and fears you're living with. Enjoy your time at BlogU. I find the best thing you can do is keep being you and living life the best you can. You may not feel 100%, but you find ways to deal with it and rearrange your lifestyle to best suit you. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.

  8. No words, just please know you are in my prayers and thoughts. I will not be a BlogU, as I have a wedding, bridal shower (not the same bride) and the end of soccer for my girls all in one weekend, but hope to be there in spirit. Totally thinking of you and virtual hugs tonight.

  9. So sorry you’re going thru this! Hope you feel better and get good news from your neuro next week. I am sure BlogU will be awesome and a much needed and fun break. I had brain surgery recently and it certainly wasn’t fun. Hoping to hear great things from you soon!

  10. Ohmygoodness, JD 🙁 I'm so sorry to hear this, and I'll definitely throw some positive vibes your way. I will also smile and nod back while at the conference, but please know it's only because I have no idea what's going on. Like usual. 😉

  11. Ugh I am soooooo sorry to hear this lady. Just one more big thing you don’t need… I will give you a big hug this weekend. Because love cures all right?

  12. I can only imagine how scared & worried you must be. I’m sending you positive thoughts!
    I’m so glad you’re able to come to BlogU, I know these wonderful ladies will be able to distract you a bit with fun & goofiness!

  13. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all that. I’m glad you’ll still be at BlogU–for everyone (like me) who is looking forward to meeting you, and for you … Hoping that it will be a good distraction from worry. The good news is that you’ll be surrounded by wonderful people who will be watching out for you and doing what we can to help you.

  14. You are the picture of perseverance. Thank you for your strength. I will definitely send some prayers and positive energy your way. I look forward to smiling and nodding at you. 🙂

  15. Let me give you some really good advice. It was given to me when I got my cancer diagnosis 9 years ago, so I know how hard it sounds.

    Don’t worry until you have something to worry about.

    My prayers are with you that you’ll have nothing to worry about.

  16. This is scary, but there is comfort in knowing what’s really going on in there and I’m sure whatever you have to face in the future you will do it with diligence and courage. You have alot of support and healing thoughts flowing your way (do you feel that soft cushion of support surrounding you? That’s all of us HVers arms holding you up!) You will kick the shit out of whatever this is!

  17. First, I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this and I’ll definitely send all higher-power thoughts to the universe that there’s an easier fix than surgery (better yet, that you just wake up feeling great). Second, you are absolutely lovely and fabulous in person and your conversations were not drugged-sounding at ALL. I’m so happy that I had the honor of meeting you in person!

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