Lots of people complain that “Pinterest Moms” have ruined it for the rest of us. “It” being every holiday. Every day. Every thing, really.
I’m sure you know of one of these moms. She probably recently created a two-story Saint Patrick’s Day leprechaun trap and green organic tofu milkshakes that tasted just like McDonald’s Shamrock Shakes.
But you know what? I’m not going to totally bash the Pinterest Moms of the world because I have a secret: There is a little bit of a Pinterest Mom within me. I can make some pretty awesome Christmas ornaments and, yes, sometimes I even make holiday-themed bento box lunches.
Plus I threw not one, but two Frozen birthday parties last year, complete with tissue-paper poufs, twinkling lights, and cupcakes topped with “ice candy.”
So there it is. I’m woman enough to own up to my craftiness.
However, I do not advocate going all-out for every “holiday” that Those Who Rule Pinterest celebrate with gusto. Seriously, you guys would not believe some of the holidays the Pinterest wants you to go all out for. Recently I stumbled across these gems:
Administrative Professionals’ Day: I absolutely, positively roll my eyes so hard I see my brain stem at the suggestion of crafting in the name of Administrative Professionals’ Day. For cripes sake, I was an editorial assistant and I know all I wanted was a gift card and the promise that I could actually take a lunch break that day. No Mountain Dew crafts necessary, thankyouverymuch.
Boss’ Day: Okay, first of all, what a dumb holiday. I’d never give my boss a gift. But apparently crafty people with brown noses do. I did a search on Pinterest and found stuff like coffee mugs with tags that say, “Thanks a latte for all that you do!” Or this candy-bar themed thank-you card. News flash: The way to a boss’ heart isn’t through kissing up with coffee and candy. It’s through kicking butt at your job.
Grandparents’ Day: Aw, I know, we all love grandma and grandpa. But come on. We already have Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I’m pretty sure grandMOTHERs and grandFATHERs are already parents. Do we really have to double up on the stress of pleasing our parents with picture-perfect Pinterest crafts from our kids?
Sweetest Day: Oh, just what we need. Another Valentine’s Day to make everyone feel inadequate, whether it’s for being single or for not spending enough time or cash on their loved ones. Yay!
I mean, what’s next, Pinterest? Crafts for National Explosive Ordinance Disposal Day? (Celebrated on May 2 this year, so get ready!) Or how about the slightly more accessible Patriots’ Day? That’s a biggie up here in the Boston area. Why hasn’t anyone come up with the idea of Revolutionary War elves who bring kids chocolate muskets while they sleep? You’re letting me down, Pinterest!
Listen, if you’re a craftastic mom, God bless you. By all means, go on with your awesome self. Make your kiddo’s birthday and lunch box magical. I’m in your corner. I’ll come on over and make twenty bridal shower party favors with you and love every second of it.
But please, for the love of all that’s holy, do NOT turn June’s oft-forgotten Flag Day into a new Pinterest holiday. If it becomes a thing to have a patriotic Elf on the Shelf who does all sorts of mischievous, messy things to my house from Flag Day to July 4th, I swear to God, I’m moving to Canada. Please don’t make me move to Canada.*
*There is absolutely nothing wrong with Canada. I love you Canadians, I swear. I just hate packing and it’s cold enough in Massachusetts and my kids would be really mad if I left them for Canada.
Hey, by the way, if you liked this post, you should really check out the new book I’m in, “I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone”!
[Tweet “HA! The top 4 ridiculous “holidays” Pinterest wants you to celebrate”]