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I thought I was the only one. A few thoughts after reading ur blog for the first time 1) thank u for making me feel less alone, keep it coming 2) I don’t have the mom gene either and the guilt and pressure is a total bitch, when my kids were born I thought either I’m a freak of nature or all these moms are completely acting, I would love to know more moms without the mom gene that r stuck at home “raising their kids” 3) kicking the antidepressants takes 7-9 days of hell, i recommend leaving ur house and kids to a family member and going somewhere comfortable with room service – it is like riding a roller coaster that never seems to end 4) having no libido from the anti depressants totally blows, I’ve asked my doc for female Viagra and she says the males in the industry care more about making it for men, this as ruined our sex life and intimacy 5) falling to sleep is impossible and waking up even worse 6) overall i should be the happiest women in the world – great husband, financially stable, sucessful ivf twins, healthy.. but ever since my kids were born I’ve been unhappy while everyone around me is doing just fine. I can go on for days about my feelings but ultimately im in a funk of disbelief. I keep expecting to have my old life back and it’s gone forever. Im clinically depressed and have been hiding it till now because people judge you and are afraid of your depressed yet brutally honest feelings rubbing off on them.
So how I can i learn to enjoy my current life? Why is therapy not working? It’s been 3 years?
Most of all how am I going to handle the miracle of life that to my great surprise, against all odds, a completely unplanned impossibiltiy is growing in my belly? I cannot beleve i am pregnant. I hate being mom, im gonna e 35, im too tired. But This has to be for a reason, I just hope it is not going to cause me to completely loose my mind. Any help is greatly appreciated. 7) don’t even get me started on f-ing nannies…
if u r quitting the antis best of luck to u and contact me if u want to scream about how horrible it feels. Like getting hit by a car. Ive concluded that The little bit of balance antis provide is not worth the train wreck of suffering that quitting entails. Maybe if There should is a better system for slow withdrawal. But in my case cold turkey was my only option -since It was a pregnancy issue, ad it was hell. Thx 4 reading
Hi! I am just seeing your comment now for some reason!
I’m so glad my blog helps you feel less alone in your everyday mom struggles. That’s a huge reason why I write about mom struggles and depression!
I have been off the antidepressants for 3+ weeks and it’s going really well. I have no doubt, though, that I’ll need them again someday. 5 weeks? 5 months? 5 years? IDK. But I don’t care. Whatever I need to be happy and feel normal, I’ll do.
I know what you mean about missing your old life. I totally hear you. I know it’s a ways off right now because your kids are little, but it does get better. Really. As the kids get more independent, you get more time for you. Do you have a babysitter for your twins? Even a couple hours a week of you-time would help – at least, it does for me.
As for your unexpected pregnancy and feeling miserable … have you changed antidepressants yet? And tried a different therapist? Obviously I don’t know what you and your primary care doc/OB are doing for you, but it sounds to me like either an increase in dosage or a change in meds is in order. And a new therapist, for sure. If you haven’t touched base with them, please do – I’m sure with their guidance, you can figure out a solution.
Hang in there and keep in touch (if you want to) via blog post comments or email me!
honestmom recently posted… 3 minutes inside the head of a 36-year-old
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Good Morning Honest Mom! I’ve nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award because, as a mom of 3 children who is not swimming in maternal bliss, every second of every day, I really appreciate having a place to go where I am inspired to be more honest, to keep it all in perspective, and to laugh my butt off! All of the award nomination rules and the award logo are on my blog at the link above. Thank You! ~ Ilene