Today I’m home with no kids. It’s a work day for me. But due to the nature of being a freelance writer, I unexpectedly have no work to do. I’m waiting for clients to get back to me with comments on drafts, and they haven’t yet.
So in the meantime? Nothing to do.
After five emotionally and physically draining days of rehearsals and recitals, a soccer game, stressful work deadlines, and hosting a big party, I should just enjoy it. I know this. Get a few household chores done, do some yard work, and not stress out.
So why do I feel guilty?
Stop being ridiculous, I tell myself. Let go of the guilt already. What is your issue?
But the stupid guilt remains. And I think I know why. It’s something that’s been weighing on me for a while. I keep thinking about it and each morning, I have to confront it.
I feel bad about Hubs and his job.
He has to trudge off, five days a week, to a job that doesn’t exactly inspire him and bring home (the majority of) the bacon. In the meantime, I’m home today, “getting a break” from my part-time job and my SAHM responsibilities.
And while I have plenty of hard days with the kids and some stressful work deadlines, I generally love my 9-5 gig. While Hubs does not.
Doesn’t seem fair to me.
I see it in Hubs’ eyes each morning. The resigned look of responsibility. He puts on a happy face most of the time because he knows he’s fortunate to have the job that he has, but I know what he’s thinking.
And yes, I know we’re fortunate to have jobs, a house, a nice life. I get it. I really do. Sometimes I feel silly even thinking about our “first world problem” of Hubs’ job. It probably bothers me more than it bothers him.
But I do believe that no matter what your job is – a CEO, a mid-level worker bee, a teacher, a roofer, a policeman – you should get some joy, inspiration, or satisfaction out of what you do. We have to work for the majority of our lives, so our jobs should be fulfilling in some way.
And I want Hubs to have that.
I see male friends of ours beginning to wrestle with mid-life crises, and I get why now: Going to an uninspiring, soul-sucking job over and over, five days a week, for the past twenty years gets to you eventually. So I’ve been ruminating over a plan to help Hubs avoid that.
In 2014, Grace will go to full-day kindergarten. It will create an opportunity for me to bring in more income – and maybe Hubs can do something different with his career. Something that might not pay as much, but be more meaningful work for him.
Or maybe he could work part-time and go to law school – something I know he’s always been interested in doing.
Honestly, I think it simply sucks that we have to spend 40+ years of our lives working so damn much. I wish we had more family time, more vacations, less school, less commitments. But that’s not reality.
So I want to make reality as fulfilling and happy as possible, you know? OUR reality. Not just mine. The fulfillment balance seems way off right now – and I want to fix it.
Are you and your husband/partner in a similar position?
Hi there, bloggers! Welcome to Honest Voices, an every-other-Tuesday linkup at Honest Mom. I invite you to link up with a post of yours that you’re really proud of. One that shows off your blog’s voice and what it’s all about. Funny or serious, it doesn’t matter – just as long as your post is HONEST.
There are only two simple rules:
1) Visit and comment on at least two other blogs who link up here
2) Promote this linkup at least once. Tweet it, Facebook it, Pin it, whatever. Just remember – the more people you get to visit this linkup, the more people will discover you!