Can I put a doily on her head and call it done? And other last-weeks-of-school ruminations.

When will school be over so summer can start?!

18.5 days. That’s how many school days are left for us. And I tell you, I am waving the white flag. Waving it high.

I want to be done. I want to just say WHATEVER to the science project display board, backwards crazy hair day, and the kindergarten reading marathon fundraiser.

I mean, when are we supposed to have time to help our kids get pledges for a fundraiser in the last weeks of school? In that 23 seconds I have after I help my kid with homework while I also cook for teacher appreciation week and before dance recital rehearsal? Don’t forget work and laundry and all the normal crap. Yes, this is the perfect time for a fundraiser! Great idea!

And then my third-grader comes home with the very thrilling news that she gets to be Florence Nightingale for her Living Museum Project. And she has to dress up just like her. And this is happening soon so we have to get her costume ready.

This should be easy to re-create. Think I can put some doilies on my kid’s head and call it a day?
This should be easy to re-create. Think I can put some doilies on my kid’s head and call it a day?

You know, I say I’m waving the white flag, but really I’m making a flag. A (loosely interpreted) American flag in my kid’s hair with hair chalk. We’re practicing for her school concert because she has to look patriotic and somehow we can’t find any red, white, and blue clothing in the half-folded mishmash of winter and summer clothes that is in every drawer of her dresser. Because I just can’t find time to sort through them right now. BECA– USE FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE. Maybe there’s a red shirt in the festering pile of laundry that mocks me every time I pass it?

Ah, crap, I’ll just do the freaking hair chalk. That’s easier than tackling the laundry. There’s a duvet cover in there that we used in the winter and it scares me. (Because it’s May.)

You know, I think I might end up stealing Jen Hatmaker’s Worst End of School Year Mom Ever crown. Because instead of listening to my kindergartener sloooooowly read out loud to me for 20 minutes so she can get another star for her reading marathon chart, I’m thinking about wine and how good it tastes and how much I want some. Sweet Jen Hatmaker is singing church hymns in her head while her kids read. I’m daydreaming about alcohol. I win.

18.5 more days. We can do this, fellow moms. We can.

And if your kids are out of school already and complaining they’re bored, send them on over. I’ve got a Florence Nightingale costume project with their names written allllll over it.

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pool photo credit: IMG_3731 via photopin (license)

I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone, and I bet you do, too.

I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone featuring JD Bailey of Honest Mom is on sale now!What do you do when your original anthology becomes both a #1 best seller and a New York Times best seller?

You release a follow-up!

Last year I contributed an essay to a book called I Just Want to Pee Alone. I knew it would do well because of the amazing ladies who contributed to it, and because of Jen Mann, the powerhouse editor behind it. But holy crap, I never expected it to be on a NY Times best seller list! Thank you so much to everyone who bought it. All the authors are eternally grateful and we hope we made you laugh!

Now I’m thrilled to announce that the follow-up book, I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone, is officially on sale today, and you can even get a signed copy from me!

But what’s the book all about? Oh, I’m so glad you asked.

I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone is a collection of hilarious and heartwarming essays from 40 of the most kick-ass mom bloggers on the web. Jen Mann hand picked each blogger in this book and you won’t be disappointed (some, like me, are in the original “Pee Alone.”) You will laugh, you will cry, and you will want to share this book with every mom who is in the trenches with you. Parenting is hard. Isn’t it nice to know you’re not alone?

Read awesome essays like:

It’s Not Pee. It’s You.
Open Letter to My Daughter: My Mother was Right and You Should Think I Am, Too.
And Then God Laughed
Flames, Knives, and Fear: A Family Dinner
Let’s Piss Off the Babies
Sometimes Drugs Are What You Need to Get Through Motherhood. And That’s Totally Okay. (that’s mine!)

My essay is (perhaps unsurprisingly) one of the heartwarming ones. It’s about postpartum depression and how I recovered from it. I’m so excited to reach a new group of moms out there through this book, and I hope you love it as much as I do.

So how do you get your copy of I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone?

Buy a signed copy from me: I’ll send you a signed copy for $12.99, which covers the cost of the book, shipping, and my oh-so-valuable signature. Just email me at and tell me exactly who to dedicate the book to and where to send it, and we’ll take it from there. (All payments must be sent via PayPal.)

Buy your copy online: You can get the book on Amazon in paperback or for Kindle, on iTunes, or on Barnes & Noble.

[Tweet “A follow-up to the NY Times best seller is out: I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone! #stillpeealone”]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for being an Honest Mom reader, and I hope you enjoy I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone!

PS: I’m serious when I say I still want to pee alone. My kids are 9 and 6, and yet I rarely get to pee in peace. Will this ever change? WILL IT?

PPS: Check out the book’s contributors!

Jen Mann of People I Want to Punch in the Throat
Bethany Kriger Thies of Bad Parenting Moments
Kim Bongiorno of Let Me Start By Saying
Alyson Herzig of The Shitastrophy
JD Bailey of Honest Mom
Kathryn Leehane of Foxy Wine Pocket
Suzanne Fleet of Toulouse and Tonic
Nicole Leigh Shaw of Nicole Leigh Shaw, Tyop Aretist
Meredith Spidel of The Mom of the Year
Rebecca Gallagher of Frugalista Blog
Rita Templeton of Fighting off Frumpy
Darcy Perdu of So Then Stories
Christine Burke of Keeper of The Fruit Loops
Amy Flory of Funny Is Family
Robyn Welling of Hollow Tree Ventures
Sarah del Rio of est. 1975
Amanda Mushro of Questionable Choices in Parenting
Jennifer Hicks of Real Life Parenting
Courtney Fitzgerald of Our Small Moments
Lola Lolita of Sammiches and Psych Meds
Victoria Fedden of Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds
Keesha Beckford of Mom’s New Stage
Stacia Ellermeier of Dried-on Milk
Ashley Allen of Big Top Family
Meredith Bland of Pile of Babies
Harmony Hobbs of Modern Mommy Madness
Janel Mills of 649.133: Girls, the Care and Maintenance Of
Kim Forde of The Fordeville Diaries
Stacey Gill of One Funny Motha
Beth Caldwell of The Cult of Perfect Motherhood
Sarah Cottrell of Housewife Plus
Michelle Back of Mommy Back Talk
Tracy Sano of Tracy on the Rocks
Linda Roy of elleroy was here
Michelle Poston Combs of Rubber Shoes In Hell
Susan Lee Maccarelli of Pecked To Death By Chickens
Vicki Lesage of Life, Love, and Sarcasm in Paris
Kris Amels of Why, Mommy?
Mackenzie Cheeseman of Is there cheese in it?
Tracy DeBlois of Orange & Silver

An honest update and a little story

A note my kindergartener left on my bedroom door
A note my kindergartener left on my bedroom door
A note my kindergartener left on my bedroom door. At least she thought of her dad, right?

Well hi there, friends. Somehow two weeks have gone by since I last wrote something. Wait, no, that’s not true. I write every day for work, I just haven’t written for the blog in two weeks. Well, actually, it was an Honest Moms Speak Out essay that I last posted. So it’s been longer than two weeks…

Oh, you know what I mean.

Things have been a bit overwhelming around here. Just as I decided to focus more time on Honest Mom, I got a new awesome contract writing job, so now I’m working every day while the kids are at school. That’s been an adjustment, for sure. And there have been loads of doctor appointments (nothing terribly wrong, they just all lined up that way), special after-school activities, constant snowtastrophes screwing things up, and just general life chaos.

I hope to get back on track next week with another HMSO essay, and I have lots of posts brewing: an update on my picky eaters and what’s been working, a debate on kindergarten homework, and other parenting stuff.

Maybe you haven’t even noticed that it’s been a little quiet around here — I’m sure your inbox is overflowing like mine, so you may not have even noticed the lack of Honest Mom emails! But things will ramp back up here soon.

In the meantime, I’ve got a Facebook page you can follow, and I accept all friend requests on my own profile, so feel free to friend me (unless you’re some creepy dude with objectionable stuff on your FB wall — I’ve had a few of those requests and NOPE). I post on both at least once or twice a day on those accounts.

I also have a private Facebook group for Honest Mom fans that is pretty active, and you’re welcome to join it. We talk about parenting challenges and mental health stuff, and share both the tough stuff and the fun stuff. If you’re interested in joining it, friend me on Facebook and then send me a message. Ask me to add you to my private Facebook group for Honest Mom fans. Since it is private, no one can see that it exists, see what you post, or know that you are in it. I hope to see you there!

Last thing — I just want to tell you a cute story. Grace, my kindergartener, is a confident, bubbly little munchkin. The kind of kid who leaves unintentionally hysterical little notes for me, like the one above. She’s a firecracker, as her grandma says.

So I was surprised when she came home and told me her class was doing a special show-and-tell, but she didn’t want to participate. At first I thought it was because she couldn’t think of anything to bring, but then we settled on her soccer trophy. And yet she still didn’t want to talk at show-and-tell.

Finally, it was the day before it was her turn, and she was still insisting that she didn’t want to do it. I asked why again, expecting her standard “I just don’t want to,” and then her eyes welled up.

“Mom, I don’t want to talk about my soccer trophy in front of the whole school.”

My poor little punkin thought she’d have to stand up in front of hundreds of kids for show-and-tell. No wonder she was terrified. Awwwwww. I forget sometimes how young she is. She still had some butterflies about talking in front of her class, but she did it — and of course couldn’t remember anything she said when I asked her how it went!

Have a great weekend everyone, and I look forward to getting back on track next week!