Category: Raising little girls

Parents humiliating young girls on the Internet IS NOT okay.

NOT OKAYI don’t think I’ve ever called out a blog for posting something that I disagree with. But when I read a horrific post that shamed young girls for their clothing choices, I knew that as the mom of two little girls, I had to say something.

The post, “Here’s Why I’m Glad I Don’t Have Daughters – Middle School Graduation,” on Generation Fabulous absolutely shocked me. In it, a contributing blogger laments the clothing choices of 13 and 14 year old girls at her son’s academic awards ceremony.

The blogger created collages of the girls’ clothing choices, blurred out their faces, and wrote “yes” on the ones she approved and “no” on the ones she thought were “wholly inappropriate.”

WHAT?!

How is it okay to take pictures of underage girls in your community, post them online, and humiliate them by calling them hoochies?

Answer: IT’S NOT.

Listen, I don’t agree with the girls’ clothing choices, either. I think they are dressed inappropriately. Hubs and I will do everything in our power to Just Say No to dressing like that when our girls are tweens and teens.

I might even go as far as to say that inappropriate clothing will be one of our top three things we won’t bend on with our girls (we insist on modest clothing choices right now, even though my 7yo wants “cool” stuff from Target).

But here’s the thing.

I am not in those girls’ parents’ shoes.

Perhaps the parents see nothing wrong with the clothing their girls are wearing.

Perhaps the parents are fighting with their daughters about anything and everything and decided this was not a fight they wanted to pick that day.

Perhaps we have no idea at all what is going on in those girls’ minds, their parents’ minds, and in those households.

It is certainly okay to think that the girls at this middle school ceremony are dressed inappropriately. It is definitely fine to write a post about it and express your dismay at what you saw.

But it is not okay to borderline slut-shame these young, impressionable girls by posting their pictures and saying mean things.

The author even went as far as to point out about one girl in particular:

“This girl, bless her heart, showed the entire audience her panties as she ascended the steps to claim her award.  Her skirt was so short that her cheeks were showing when she walked.”

It’s bad enough to have this happen to you as a young girl, but then have an adult shame you for it online? Inexcusable.

Think of what’s going to happen when these girls find out their pictures are being posted by their classmate’s mom (because they will). Can you imagine their humiliation and the teasing by their peers? Their parents’ anger (and potential lawsuits)?

I know if I was one of the parents of those girls, I’d be very, VERY angry about this blog post and my daughter’s picture being put online without permission – and her being openly criticized by an adult.

We are parents. That means we have an obligation not only to our children, but also an obligation to be kind and caring to the children around us. And that’s why I felt compelled to write about this.

I hope that Generation Fabulous apologizes, takes down the pictures, and has the author revise the post so she can express her opinion without shaming the girls.

If you hope the same, please go comment on the post and ask them to do so. (And even if you are as riled up as me, please do me a favor and don’t be cruel to the author of the post. Meanness doesn’t need to beget more meanness. I’d like to think that when the author realizes what she’s done, she will feel badly and apologize.)

We all make mistakes. I hope Generation Fabulous can own up to theirs and make things right.

UPDATE: Around 2pm ET, Generation Fabulous took the post down. I can tell from my stats that they got a lot of traffic from this page and I saw many of you comment on their site – thank you! Hopefully the girls in the pictures never saw them. I have not seen any apology from the site yet. Hoping they will post one…

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photo credit: Dia™ via photopin cc

7 Reasons Why Two Kids Is (more than) Enough for Me

7 reasons two kids is enoughA whole bunch of my friends are having third babies right now. Seeing the sweet little pumpkins and their perfect little baby faces gets me more than a little melty.

I love babies. Always have, always will. So sometimes my uterus twitches a bit when I hold the little bundles of joy.

But then I come to my senses.

Hubs and I are so all set with our two girls. Our family is complete. And I’m pretty sure if we we had another kid, the very delicate, slight bit of balance we’ve finally achieved would crumble to sad, pathetic little bits.

There are so many reasons why two kids is just right for me and I really don’t need a baby in my life…

No more diapers. There is just nothing pleasant about wiping excrement of a person’s butt, no matter how cute that little butt is. And I do not miss diaper blowouts in carseats or on my lap. Or projectile poop. Not one bit.

Man-on-man defense. Right now, if both kids are tantruming, Hubs can deal with one and I can deal with the other. What would we do if there was also a screaming baby? The idea makes me want to crawl into the fetus position and start sucking my thumb. I can handle the truth: I’m just not mom enough.

No minvan needed. I know, I know, many of you love your minvans. But for me, getting a minivan is a symbol that I’ve succumbed to mom servitude. It’s a sign that I’ve conformed to suburban standards. It screams, “I AM NO LONGER COOL.”

Sure, all this may actually describe me and my life, but I’m not ready to admit it. And with only two kids? No need to.

We are finally sleeping again. Gracie didn’t start sleeping through the night until she was 3.5 years old. I really am not sure how I made it through those years. Or how she did, either. I can’t do that again. End of story.

Playing with my kids can be fun now. When my kids were toddlers, “playing” with them meant doing something over and over and over for their enjoyment. Build a tower. Let kid knock it over. Repeat 324 times. Yawn.

Now we do interesting things! We go to fun places! And I don’t want to gouge my eyeballs out from sheer boredom!

I get dumber with each kid. My slowly-declining IQ can’t handle me having another kid. I swear each child has melted my brain cells. Hubs too. We have conversations that make so little sense, we don’t even understand them while we’re having them.

Here’s how it goes: We begin to have a reasonable discussion for a couple of minutes. Soon we start to trail off mid-sentence without finishing our thought. Then we forget what it was we were talking about, give up, and jump to another topic. Nothing gets fully discussed or resolved. Which is why nothing ever gets done around here. Ever.

More than enough hormones in this house already. I swear my seven-year-old is already PMSing along with me. And the four-year-old copies her. If we had another kid, it would most certainly be another girl, and I don’t think Hubs could handle that.

As it is, he has gotten a terrifying glance into his hormone-filled future and has decided to start a six-year-long business trip when Annie turns 12. Thanks, Hubs.

Are you in the two-kid club? Or are you a brave soul who’s outnumbered by your offspring?

 

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Is it worth it to be a working mom?

So the other day, I was thinking about the astounding amount of money Hubs and I pay for two measly days of daycare and a half day of babysitting for Grace. Since I am a freelance writer my income goes up and down, and some months it feels like it’s not worth it to work – financially, at least.

I threw together this little card and posted it on Facebook as I was contemplating the tiny amount of money I brought home last month:

daycare or work

And I asked the Honest Mom Facebook fans: Truth? Or sarcasm?

I was shocked at the response. It was one of the most commented on and shared Facebook posts I’ve ever done. 786 likes, 774 shares, 85 comments. Pretty big stuff for my page.

Obviously my ecard touched a nerve. And I can totally understand why – because I can empathize with both camps (working moms and SAHMs).

I used to work full-time. But when I was pregnant with Grace, I quit my job. I had had a complicated third trimester with Annie and  I was heading down the same road with Grace (early contractions due to stress because of – you guessed it – work). I did not want my baby or me to go through that stress again.

But even if I was having a smooth pregnancy, I likely still would have left. Because though I loved my job and my colleagues, I felt like my priorities were out of whack. I felt unbalanced.

I felt like I never saw Annie.

Monday through Friday, I dropped my two-year-old off at daycare at 8:00am and picked her up at 6pm. This meant I saw her for a total of two hours each day.

Two hours.

And they weren’t quality hours, either. They were consumed with eating and getting ready for school/bed. That was pretty much it.

It was killing me.

I knew Annie was in good hands. She loved daycare. I loved work. But I loved her more. And I missed her desperately.

Hubs and I went over the financial implications of me not working as much. I am fortunate that I am a copywriter and it’s something I can do from home as a freelancer. We knew we’d have to make some pretty decent adjustments, but we also knew I could ratchet up the freelancing gigs if needed.

Plus, Hubs was also missing Annie, and if I was home with her he figured he’d start working a day from home to maximize his time with her. And he’d also get extra time with her each day, since his short commute meant he usually got home by 5:30.

So I did it. I left my well-paying, ladder-climbing, fun yet stressful job. And I am now a part-time worker, part-time SAHM.

And I don’t regret it.

But honestly? I think I would if I wasn’t working at all.

When I left the corporate world, I was in a great place, career-wise. I had worked my BUTT OFF to get where I was. And I loved what I did. I couldn’t imagine leaving my career behind completely.

It’s not all about the money. The money is GREAT, of course. Earning a paycheck is very satisfying for me.

But for me, work isn’t just about money. It’s about professional and creative collaboration with adults I respect and enjoy working with. It’s about having a sense of pride and accomplishment in creating a successful email campaign, advertisement, or research paper.

And it’s also about … well … not being with my kids 24/7.

I’m not cut out to be a SAHM. If I was, I’d jump in and embrace the role whole-heartedly. But I’m not. I found that out in the years after Grace was born, when I basically was a SAHM.

I know that I’m a better mom because I have some separation from my kids a couple days a week.

I’m more patient and present with them when I’ve had my own time without them, doing something that has nothing to do with them.

This may sound unbelievable to SAHMs who love what they do. And the fact that I love working part-time yet enjoy my days home with Grace may sound crazy to full-time working moms who love what they do.

But there it is.

So, are those months where I bring home $56 after accounting for daycare/babysitting expenses worth it?

Hell, yes.

And that’s my final answer.

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How I get my picky-eater kids to eat veggies. Yes, really.

get picky kids to eat veggiesI grew up eating pretty much everything, and my kids eat pretty much nothing.

I really don’t know how this happened. I followed all the rules in the baby books. I fed them green beans from the start. Introduced them to new foods. Didn’t give them the processed crap they now crave (thanks a BUNCH, daycare).

And now? I have children who are lovers of all food that is beige.

I’ve bemoaned this issue in the past. And really, not much has changed. Annie hates most meat and loves most pasta. Grace will occasionally try new stuff and eats a few more foods than Annie, but she’s pretty picky, too.

But I do have two secret weapons that I use to get my picky kids to eat their veggies.

They are really simple and I did NOT believe they’d would work. But I had nothing to lose. So I tried my wacky ideas and holy jebeezus, MY EVIL PLAN WORKED.

Veggie eating is – gasp – a regular thing in my house. Along with the consumption of beige food, of course. But my kids actually eat veggies. I’m amazed I can say that without crossing my fingers behind my back.

My eat your veggies strategy #1 : Give ‘em a fancy namerun the rainbow eat the rainbow giveaway

Every night I let the girls watch a show while I prepare dinner. They’re starving. And so I give them a snack. Or “appetizer,” as we call it.

Their snack? Veggies.

Seriously. This works. Maybe because I gave it a fancy name? Maybe because they get to watch TV while they eat their veggies? Maybe because they’re starving and don’t care what food they shovel into their mouths?

Whatever. My two munchkins happily munch on their veggies while their brains get fried in front of the boob tube. Success.

My eat your veggies strategy #2 : Eat a rainbow

Whenever I make pizza or a pasta dish that has little or no veggies, I set out a plate of veggies and dip before dinner. I call the girls to the table before the pasta comes out. They (and Hubs) are starving, so they sit and munch on “rainbow veggies” while I finish my dinner preparations.

Do they eat them because the platter looks pretty? Because they like the dip? Or just out of pure starvation? I DON’T CARE. They eat them.

Since eating many colors of veggies and fruits helps keep kids healthy, I’m relieved that my picky-pants, beige-food eaters are getting a rainbow of health from their “appetizer” produce. (Produce = mostly fruit for Annie, but she does eat frozen peas and fresh green beans – go figure.)

If your kids generally shun veggies like Annie, try a rainbow fruit kabob. Thread strawberries, cantaloupe, pineapple, kiwi, blueberries, and purple grapes onto a skewer. Pretty, fun – and yummy.

Not only do I have veggie consumption advice – I have a cool giveaway!

I’m a Boston-area mama, so I’m thrilled to partner with Boston-based New Balance and ChopChop magazine to create awareness for their “Run the Rainbow, Eat the Rainbow” campaign.

In celebration of healthy kids and New Balance’s brand-new 890 Rainbow shoe, ChopChop – the fun cooking magazine for families - and New Balance invite you to enter a contest for chance to win a prize pack that includes a pair of Rainbow shoes, a one-year subscription to ChopChop, and a grand prize of a $400 gift card to a local grocery store. The contest is live now and runs through May (entrants must be 18 years or older).

NB RainbowNew Balance sent Annie a pair of the rainbow shoes to try out, and in her words? “They are so totally awesome!!!!”

The super-fun, stylish sneakers feature a synthetic/mesh upper, offering lightweight comfort and support, with solid rubber outsole to provide long-wearing durability for active kids. The shoes are available in infant, preschool, and grade school sizes. Infant and preschool (up to size 10) have the velcro “laces” and size 11 and up have regular laces.

Annie has not really liked wearing sneakers in the past, but now? These babies are her footwear of choice.

I haven’t received my first issue of ChopChop yet, but my kids love to cook with me and I know trying the magazine’s recipes will be a big hit in the Bailey household!chopchop-cover-4issues_0

Want to win these sneakers and a subscription to ChopChop?

I’m giving one lucky Honest Mom reader a pair of rainbow sneakers and a subscription to ChopChop!

Enter via the Rafflecopter below. Good luck – with the giveaway and getting your kids to eat more fruits and veggies.  ;-)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: I received a pair of New Balance kids’ sneakers and a ChopChop subscription in exchange for writing this post. All opinions, as always, are my own – because I am Honest Mom, after all.

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