12 Signs It’s Fall in Your Little Slice of Suburban Heaven

12 signs of fall in suburbia

It’s finally fall here in New England. It’s a fickle season, isn’t it? One day it’s a sunscreen day, the next day it’s 45 degrees and raining. Fall isn’t exactly consistent around here, but as sure as the changing leaves on the trees and the pumpkin spice latte in your hand, you’re bound to see and experience these autumnal treasures. Ahem.

1. As a result of overenthusiastic apple picking, you have 17 apples sitting in the fridge and 15 more sitting on the counter. You tell yourself you’ll make pies. You never do.

2. Right after you go through the chore of packing away your warm-weather clothes, there is a week of 75 degree weather.

3. The Christmas decorations start filling the shelves at Target before you’ve even bought a single pumpkin.

4. You’re woken up at 7:30am on a Saturday by your neighbor’s leafblower, lawnmower, or rooster (damn you, suburban chicken coop trend).

5. While waiting in line at the coffee shop, you spend way too much time debating in your head whether it’s a “care-a-mel” or a “car-mel” latte.

6. The prospect of an extra hour of sleep from “Fall Back” makes you giddy with excitement.

7. Two words: Pumpkin beer.

8. Your husband always seems to be protesting, “But honey! The Game is on!” And you always seem to be rolling your eyes and handing him a basket of laundry to fold anyway.

9. Your neighborhood is decorated with warring political signs, which leads to some less-than-neighborly moments at the monthly ladies’ bunco night.

10. On the day after Thanksgiving at 7am, your overachieving neighbor is trashing the pumpkin paraphernalia and putting up the Christmas lights.

11. Meanwhile, your underachieving neighbor is taking down her hanging planters filled with brown, frost-bitten flowers and removing her “Welcome, Spring!” house flag.

12. But on the day that you decide to take down the fall decor? It snows.

What would you add to the list?

photo credit: rexboggs5 via photopin cc

12 Funny Signs it’s Fall in Suburbia

As sure as the changing leaves on the trees and the pumpkin spice latte in your hand, you’re bound to see these…

1. As a result of overenthusiastic apple picking, you have 17 apples sitting in the fridge and 15 more sitting on the counter. You tell yourself you’ll make pies. You never do.

2. Right after you go through the chore of packing away your warm-weather clothes, there is a week of 75 degree weather.

3. The Christmas decorations start filling the shelves at Target before you’ve even bought a single pumpkin.

4. You’re woken up at 7:30am on a Saturday by your neighbor’s leafblower, lawnmower, or rooster (damn you, suburban chicken coop trend).

5. While waiting in line at the coffee shop, you spend way too much time debating in your head whether it’s a “care-a-mel” or a “car-mel” latte.

6. The prospect of an extra hour of sleep from “Fall Back” makes you giddy with excitement.

7. Two words: Pumpkin beer.

8. Your husband always seems to be protesting, “But honey! The Game is on!” And you always seem to be rolling your eyes and handing him a basket of laundry to fold anyway.

9. Your neighborhood is decorated with warring political signs, which leads to some less-than-neighborly moments at the monthly ladies’ bunco night.

10. On the day after Thanksgiving at 7am, your overachieving neighbor is trashing the pumpkin paraphernalia and putting up the Christmas lights.

11. Meanwhile, your underachieving neighbor is taking down her hanging planters filled with brown, frost-bitten flowers and removing her “Welcome, Spring!” house flag.

12. But on the day you decide to take down the fall decor? It snows.

What would you add to the list?

That noise? Oh, it was just my ovaries quaking.

Public Service Announcement: DO NOT read this post if you are pregnant with your first baby. It may completely freak you out. Come back next time, okay?

Lately, completely out of nowhere and despite my better judgement, I have been having baby cravings.

Cute babies at the grocery store are torturing me with their preciousness.

Sweet little babies in diaper commercials make my eyes well up.

I am jealous of my friend’s big beautiful pregnant belly.

What is WRONG with me?

I mean, I am so done having kids. I have Anne and Grace, who are more than enough for me to handle. I went through some serious postpartum depression after Grace and am actually afraid each month of the possibility of pregnancy. I don’t want more kids. I really don’t.

So why, for the past month, have my eyes been getting all watery when I see babies?

I commented on Twitter and Facebook about my baby craving issue:

My plea to the Twitterverse for help.

Which caused Allison at Motherhood, WTF? to write a short little book that was “inspired by Honest Mom’s ovaries.”

And caused my Twitter and Facebook friends to cry out, “JD, pull yourself together!”

 

 

 

Now if you are in the same boat as me, those comments should help ease the ache in your uterus.

But that’s not enough to restore your sanity and remind you why you don’t want another baby, here are some more reasons. Thinking of these definitely cure my cravings when I get all “oooooh, cute little baby, I want one!” in the grocery store.

(More) Reasons NOT to Have Another Baby 

Poopy diapers that leak onto the back of your just-washed baby.

Cutting baby finger nails.

NO WINE for 40 weeks and while nursing around the clock.

Colic.

Lugging around a big honkin’ stroller everywhere you go.

NO SLEEP for at least two months straight. Three years, if you’re unlucky like I was.

Sciatica. OW.

“Crying it out.” Oh GOD, the torture.

Morning sickness. And afternoon sickness. And night sickness.

Did I mention NO WINE for 40 weeks? AND while nursing around the clock?

And finally … Remember that whining, complaining toddler/preschooler/tween of yours? Babies grow up. They go from cuddly, precious babies to mouthy, whiny, tantruming kids. Whom you love dearly. Of course.

Now go pop open your favorite bottle of wine and drink up, mama. Cause you sure couldn’t if you were preggo right now. I am toasting you with my Castle Rock Pinot Noir right now. Goodbye, quaky ovaries. And cheers!

What are YOUR reasons to not have another baby – funny or not?