12 Signs It’s Fall in Your Little Slice of Suburban Heaven

12 signs of fall in suburbia

It’s finally fall here in New England. It’s a fickle season, isn’t it? One day it’s a sunscreen day, the next day it’s 45 degrees and raining. Fall isn’t exactly consistent around here, but as sure as the changing leaves on the trees and the pumpkin spice latte in your hand, you’re bound to see and experience these autumnal treasures. Ahem.

1. As a result of overenthusiastic apple picking, you have 17 apples sitting in the fridge and 15 more sitting on the counter. You tell yourself you’ll make pies. You never do.

2. Right after you go through the chore of packing away your warm-weather clothes, there is a week of 75 degree weather.

3. The Christmas decorations start filling the shelves at Target before you’ve even bought a single pumpkin.

4. You’re woken up at 7:30am on a Saturday by your neighbor’s leafblower, lawnmower, or rooster (damn you, suburban chicken coop trend).

5. While waiting in line at the coffee shop, you spend way too much time debating in your head whether it’s a “care-a-mel” or a “car-mel” latte.

6. The prospect of an extra hour of sleep from “Fall Back” makes you giddy with excitement.

7. Two words: Pumpkin beer.

8. Your husband always seems to be protesting, “But honey! The Game is on!” And you always seem to be rolling your eyes and handing him a basket of laundry to fold anyway.

9. Your neighborhood is decorated with warring political signs, which leads to some less-than-neighborly moments at the monthly ladies’ bunco night.

10. On the day after Thanksgiving at 7am, your overachieving neighbor is trashing the pumpkin paraphernalia and putting up the Christmas lights.

11. Meanwhile, your underachieving neighbor is taking down her hanging planters filled with brown, frost-bitten flowers and removing her “Welcome, Spring!” house flag.

12. But on the day that you decide to take down the fall decor? It snows.

What would you add to the list?

photo credit: rexboggs5 via photopin cc

Three minutes in the mind of a mom

3 minutes in the mind of a mom

3 minutes in the mind of a momThere’s a reason women say they have “mom brain.” Even though I make lists upon lists in an attempt to clear my head of all the to-dos racing through it, my brain never.stops.moving.

From the moment I wake up until the time I fall asleep, it’s filled with things to do and thoughts I should act on that second or else I’ll forget them. Like the way I forget where my keys are or if today is a daycare day or if I have two or three kids. (Answer: two. But the mess in my house makes it look like there has to be another one somewhere.)

A while back, I stumbled upon this hysterical post by Jason Good in which he gives you a 3-minute glimpse inside the head of his 2-year-old.

I read that again recently and thought, huh. Now that I think about it, my mind doesn’t function all that differently. Which is either a bit funny or a bit pathetic. Let’s find out.

3 Minutes Inside the Mind of a Mom

Upon waking up in the morning…

I’m tired.
I NEED COFFEE.
A small person is climbing on top of me.
Ow. That was my spleen.
Stop climbing on me so I can get my coffee.
GET OFF OF ME.
Oh look! Hubs brought me coffee!
Ahhhh, coffee.
What day is today? Monday? Wednesday? Thurfriunday?
Ooooh, pretty shiny ring. On my 5-year-old.
TAKE OFF MY WEDDING RING!
Where’s Annie? Is she still in bed?
I need to know what the weather’s like today.
Who put Dora the Explorer on?
What’s the chance that Dora could tell me if it’s going to rain today?
So wait. What day is today? Tuesday?
OMG. It’s Tuesday. Annie’s still in bed.
Bus will be here in 39 minutes.
I didn’t make lunches yet.
I didn’t pack Gracie’s backpack.
Doesn’t Annie have to bring her class project in today?
Did Annie ever DO that class project?
Lunches. Lunches first.
Do we have peanut butter?
Man, I want peanut butter RIGHT NOW.
And chocolate.
Nutella. I want Nutella.
I must be PMSing. Or I’m pregnant.
Crap, could I actually be pregnant?
Huh. Why does my third toenail have no nail polish on it?
I have to go to Target.
Need to buy more peanut butter. And dryer sheets.
God, my spleen hurts. Or is that my appendix?
Do I have appendicitis? Nah.
Oh GOD I’m tired. Hubs snores too much.
Note to self: Buy nose strips for Hubs at Target.
I really hope Hubs is waking Annie up right now.
THE BUS WILL BE HERE IN 38 MINUTES!
Oy, will I ever get real curtains for this room?
Which kid has dance class today?
What is Annie crying about?
I think I have a draft due for a client today.
Or is it the school newsletter that’s due today?
Christ, there is a PTO meeting today, isn’t there?
Why is Gracie so quiet in the bathroom?
Crap. She just flushed a whole role of toilet paper, didn’t she?
Must. Get. More. Coffee. NOW.

Am I the only one whose brain (mal)functions in this way?

PS – Full disclosure: This is a slightly reworked post from a couple years ago because I’m on vacation and I’m trying to let my brain relax. Which I’m having various degrees of success with. Because I’m a mom. But I figured a lot of you weren’t Honest Mom readers two years ago so this is all new to you and you know what? Why I am even telling you this? I’m off to do something away from the computer that may or may not involve day-drinking. Because I can.

photo credit: bitzcelt via photopin cc

You Know it’s Spring in Suburbia When…

Up here in Massachusetts the calendar says Yippie, Spring! But the temperature says, Put on your winter boots because snow is headed your way, sucker.

I’m not kidding. It snowed today, even though I optimistically wore my clogs. I don’t care. I REF– — — USE to wear a winter coat anymore, even if it means wearing so many layers under my spring coat that I look like a Stay-Puft Marshmallow dressed in business casual.

But despite the cold, I’m sure it’s Spring. Because all around me, there are signs of it…

Ways you know it's Spring in the suburbs 800x600

1. Crazy New Englanders decide it’s time to blind you with their translucent white legs, clad in too-short shorts.

2. Your overachieving neighbor is out mulching his garden beds himself, before you even think to call a landscaper to do yours.

3. Meanwhile, your underachieving neighbor is taking down his Christmas lights.

4. You miserably tromp through the a mall filled with cheery, sleeveless, Easter-egg colored clothes, clad in your knock-off Uggs and winter coat, searching for a pair of mittens in the clearance sections because yours have holes and you have another month of cold morning temperatures ahead and dammit, your hands are freezing at the bus stop.

5. There are three new puppies in the neighborhood and they’re all pooping on your front lawn.

6. The dumb teenage girls next door are shivering while tanning on the roof in their bikinis (note to self: do NOT hire as babysitters).

7. The neighbor across the street puts blue pots of pansies on her front stoop, prompting neighborhood rumors that she and her husband are swingers. (Is this really a thing or just a suburban legend?)

8. The local ice-cream stand opens and it’s 55 degrees and sunny, so your kids convince you to take them. By the time you get there and get your ice cream, it’s 43 degrees and drizzling so you eat it in the car with the heat on.

9. Land’s End at Sears is overflowing with moms buying 500% spandex, tummy-zapping, figure-enhancing bathing suit and skirt sets before they’re all gone.

10. In the same day, you can go to your younger kid’s morning soccer game and get frostbite, and  go to your older kid’s afternoon soccer game and get sunburned.

11. You give in and finally shave your legs. Later your husband asks if you shaved the dog in there.

12. It finally warms up and you get gardening fever. And just as you finish planting and mulching and watering … it snows.

What are some signs of spring in your little pocket of suburban (or urban) heaven?

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